In what can only be described as a truly heroic act, Watsonia man Derek Simpson has put his taste buds on the line at a family function yesterday by delving into the chip bowl before knowing what flavour the chips were. Assessing the bowl of plain coloured crinkle cut chips, Simpson threw caution to the wind by grabbing a generous handful and shovelling them into his mouth. Naturally he hoped for salt and vinegar, but knew full well that they could’ve been plain, sea salt, or a very light variety of chicken.

Simpson’s girlfriend and his brother looked on intently, knowing that this trailblazing behaviour would ultimately benefit them, and have a significant impact on their snack table consumption plan. From the moment the chips entered his mouth Simpson, a keen potato chip aficionado, knew his fate – they were bloody plain flavour.

The disappointment around Simpson was palpable, as his girlfriend and brother expanded their hunt for snacks, while also quietly acknowledging Simpson’s bravery in taking one for the team. His girlfriend was later heard saying, “I mean who buys plain anyway, it’s like eating toast without any spread”. Aunty Jennie, the host of the event, was unavailable for comment.

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