One of the Empire’s Stormtroopers has failed his annual performance review due to an inability to meet some of the basic requirements of his role. The bad news was delivered to Stormtrooper WB-4782 by a member of the Empire’s HR department late last week, and he has until this Thursday to either accept or challenge the findings.

According to the official report, WB-4782 failed to meet some very basic requirements of the generic Stormtrooper role, including “guarding checkpoints against intruders, combat problem solving, independent thought, and marksmanship”. Of all the failures, the report claims that WB-4782’s marksmanship was by far the most lacking, with him firing a total of 2,768 shots in the last 12 months but only achieving one successful hit. This 0.04% hit rate fell well below the minimum required 1.2% hit rate as specified in the KPIs of his position description.

Despite the damning report, WB-4782 is reportedly considering challenging the review, claiming that unsafe working conditions have grossly impacted on his ability to perform the basic tasks required of him. When contacted by The Watsonia Bugle yesterday, he said, “I mean what’s the point of us being covered in armour when one shot takes us down every single time? It’s 2018 man, these kind of working conditions are just unacceptable. How can I be expected to perform at my best in such conditions?”

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