In what is one of the most bizarre developments in the Australian cricket ball tampering saga, former captain Michael Clarke has appeared on television earlier today and subtly suggested that he can captain the national side again. Despite having been retired for over three years, Clarke legendary self involvement has reached an unprecedented level, with his latest refusal to rule out the possibility of an implausible comeback.

Even though he used the words “This is not about me at all”, Clarke has attempted to make it all about him, under the deluded impression that he could not only just walk back into the Australian team, but also be the captain. If it was anyone else making these comments they could be described as staggering, but because it’s Clarke we can just roll our eyes and return to picking up granules with our magical yellow sticky tape.

Already, Clarke’s three-year retirement has been littered with loud whispers of comebacks, in what can only be assumed has been a desperate cling to relevance in a cricketing landscape that had otherwise left him behind. Even local Clarke enthusiast Tim Wilkinson thinks the man know as “Pup” has pushed the boat out a bit far this time. Wilkinson said, “I love him, always have, but he’s kidding himself if he thinks he can just walk back into test cricket. Who does he think he is?”