As is the habit for any problem in the game today, the Australian Football League is reportedly attempting to convene a committee to explain why they couldn’t justify opening the top level of large chunks of Spotless Stadium for tonight’s Essendon v GWS game. In a climate where committees are being formed for as diverse issues as the look of the game and why there aren’t enough Kingston biscuits in the AFL House tea room, League executives are clamouring to form a group of over paid boffins.

While GWS are generally accustomed to substandard crowds at their home games, AFL representatives are reportedly fuming that the club has failed to draw a decent crowd for a match against one of Victorian’s reputable “Big 4” clubs. Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle, an anonymous insider said, “Yeah mate, the big wigs aren’t happy. Plus they didn’t even close the top deck opposite from the TV cameras, so it’s not a good look for game, especially when that topic is all the rage at the moment.”

The exact make up of the committee remains unknown, but the presumption is that Ruth Cracknell lookalike Dermott Brereton has been excluded from discussions due to his inability to form a coherent thought. While that isn’t always an automatic exclusion from an official AFL committee, the insider said, “Some of those kits he ran with after the China game just cost him too much credibility, so I reckon they’ll stick with a few equally unqualified footy heads that have better so-called ‘optics’”.