A local man who was recently crowned as the “World’s Greatest Doona Stealer” by his wife is now privately wondering when the awards ceremony will be so he can officially receive his international honour. While Joel Wallace remains somewhat sceptical of the validity of his new title, he still feels it’s only fair that he at least receive some kind of trophy or medal at a function with free booze and food.
Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle about his predicament, Wallace said, “I still haven’t received an actual letter or anything to confirm my new title, but I’m assuming it’s on the way. My wife has often commented on my elite doona hogging ability, but about two weeks ago after she abruptly yanked our doona out of my grasp she said, ‘Congratulations, you’re now officially the World’s Greatest Doona Stealer’. I can only assume that she is a member of some kind of committee that decides on this award each year, and I’m looking forward to meeting the other committee members at the awards ceremony.”
When further questioned on the veracity of his claims to, in fact, being the world’s absolute best, Wallace said, “Look, I know there will be claims of nepotism, but who would be better qualified to judge by skills than a woman who has shared a doona with me for the last 15 years?” Then, speaking again about the awards ceremony that may never happen, Wallace said, “It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. I mean, it could just be finger food and a few drinks. I just want the opportunity to deliver a short speech so I can thank a few people, tell a few jokes, and maybe hint at a future endorsement deal with a local manchester supplier.”