A big fan of smooth peanut butter has controversially claimed that people who prefer crunchy peanut butter are “all a bunch of psychos”. Despite holding zero qualifications in the field of psychological assessment, Penny Carter is standing by her bold claim, insisting that a person’s peanut butter choice provides a direct window into their soul.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle in an attempt to support her claim, Carter said, “Smooth is just, like, so much better. Crunchy is honestly no good. For the last 10 years, I often ask people in social settings what their preferred peanut butter is, and it almost always supports the judgements I’ve already made about their personalities.”

Despite regular promises to provide scientific evidence of her position, Carter never once produced a research paper or journal article, instead regularly using the term “anecdotal evidence” and just shaking her head at the thought of eating peanut butter with crushed peanuts mixed through it. Eventually she said, “You just have to trust me on this one, okay. Anyone that prefers crunchy peanut butter over smooth is a proper psycho. Every. Single. One of them. Steer clear.”

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