A local man has bravely conceded that he has a significant gap in his so-called “man skills” portfolio, revealing to friends that he can’t open a pop top beer without a specifically designed bottle opener. Watsonia’s very own Fraser Ploenges made the brave admission last night at a friend’s place as he weaseled around a group of his mates trying to find an opener for a bottle of his preferred artisan pale ale.
Reflecting on the soul bearing experience, Ploenges said, “I’ve carried that secret around with me for too long. All me other mates can pry one open with their car keys, or on the side of a table. But I just sit there like a devolved human being that’s been heavily cloistered by the many luxuries available to people living in this modern society. I couldn’t hold my secret shame any longer, I had to confess.”
While Ploenges agreed that the admission had provided some relief, he also said that his friends were far from supportive. He said, “They all just laughed at me really. Then one of them grabbed every bottle opener in the house and threw them all over the back fence. I didn’t have another beer for the rest of the night. I literally couldn’t open one. I might have to shift to buying cans from now on.”