A local man has tragically had his entire weekend ruined by the failure of his garden bin to fully empty during this morning’s fortnightly collection. Luke Manton made the harrowing discovery this morning just moments after the garden waste truck had left his street, and has spent the rest of the day mournfully meditating on the adverse repercussions of the disappointing event.
Reflecting on the devastation, Manton told The Watsonia Bugle, “That’s me weekend done now mate. I’m full devo. And I have to wait another agonising 14 days for the next collection. I’m basically going backwards on me whole garden waste program. Just treading water, you know.”
And Manton said his emotional state had only been worsened by the rapid growth in local gardens over the last few months. He said, “Everything’s just going mad at the moment. I can’t keep up! So one failed collection absolutely cooks me, mate. I’ve got piles scattered all over the backyard. The waiting list is almost as long as it is to get into the MCC. And now that squeeze has just gotten tighter. It’s bullshit.”
Damningly, Manton also claimed that it wasn’t the first time his garden waste bin had failed to completely empty during a collection, honestly suggesting that it was partly his fault. He said, “It normally happens when I try to jam bloody heaps of stuff into it. I get in there and jump on it to make more room, so there’s generally way more in there than would normally fit. But last night I forgot to do that thing where you shove a stick down each side and jimmy the load around a bit. Rookie error by me. And now I’m paying the bloody price.”