A local man’s distinct lack of thong fitness has been exposed by yesterday’s heatwave, after he opted for the double pluggers on a walk to the park with his family. Jeremy Hughes said his winter feet were terribly underprepared for the task, and are currently covered in blisters as he mentally prepares for a long summer ahead.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle this morning from his hospital bed, Hughes said, “Mate, it happens every year. The first sign of decent weather and I get the thongs out, but the fallout this year has been worse than ever before. Iso has meant that I’ve hardly worn shoes at all this winter, let alone thongs. My lily white feet are just not ready for the rigours of a long summer in thongs. I’m in strife here.”

Despite facing a long road of rehabilitation to repair yesterday’s damage, Hughes said he’s staying optimistic about his chances of a fruitful summer. He said, “I’m long way from it now, but these blisters will heal. I’ll be back, trust me.”