A local masochist claims he sat through multiple episodes of Postcards over the weekend, later telling friends it was nice to “feel something” for the first time in a while. As the overwhelming boredom of Lockdown 2.0 seems to be numbing Melburnians more and more each day, Jake Thompson said the deliberate torture of watching B-Grade television presenters enjoying the luxury of travelling to such exotic locations as Bendigo and Shepparton reinvigorated him for another week of suburban drudgery.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle about his sensual experience, Thompson said, “I didn’t actually do it deliberately. I was just laying on the couch staring blankly at the TV when I locked onto an episode and wondered what was happening to me. I started to feel deep feelings of anger, resentment and jealousy. It felt good to be alive. I wanted to chase that high. So, I found some more episodes online and just started bingeing them. Victoria’s a pretty cool place. I can’t wait until I can travel more than five kilometres from my front door. I might visit a few of those places. Crawf looked like he was having a great time.”

However, when asked whether he’d resume the punishment next weekend, Thompson was non-committal. He said, “I dunno mate, last weekend was fairly unique. With no footy on, I was at a loss. Once the finals start, I might struggle to fit that kind of raw human experience back into my schedule.”