In yet another case of alcohol and trains not mixing well, a drunken Greensborough man has accidentally caught a South Morang Line train late at night and woken up dazed and confused in Keon Park. The man, Brett Fraser, had reportedly spent hours drinking in the city after work on Friday night, before stumbling towards Parliament Station to catch a late train home to Greensborough. 

However, Fraser’s high level of intoxication caused him to incorrectly board a South Morang Line train, and then promptly fall asleep before the train deviated left just after Clifton Hill Station. Entering a deep drunken sleep, Fraser was fully passed out until he was woken by the pre-recorded words “The next station is… Keon Park”.  

Startled by the words, Fraser stumbled out of the train at Keon Park and attempted to gather his thoughts. Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle yesterday, Fraser said “I thought to myself, what have you done here Bretty boy? I glanced around for any familiar landmarks but couldn’t really see any. There was just a giant collection of powerlines across the road and I think I could hear the distant hum of what I now know was the Ring Road.” 

Fraser eventually decided to head towards Mahoneys Road and hail a taxi when he realised his phone battery was dead so he couldn’t get an Uber. He said, “I just started wandering along Mahoneys Road for a bit, remembered pronouncing it like the Police Academy dude’s name back when I was a kid, saw the bowling alley that I reckon I went to an 8th birthday at back in the early 90s before Greensborough Lanes was opened, and almost made it to where the Gold Medal Soft Drink factory used to be before some cabby took mercy on me. That stretch is a cold and lonely joint late at night, but I’ve lived to tell the tale.”