A man spotted tucking into an aromatic HSP on a peak hour Hurstbridge Line train just wants to watch the world burn. The man, who cannot be named due to concerns for his personal security, was spotted last night working his way through the pack of perfectly fried chips and juicy kebab meat.

One fellow passenger on the train was so moved by witnessing the complete disregard for others that she contacted The Watsonia Bugle to raise public awareness. She said, “I just couldn’t believe it. That’s the kind of behaviour you’d expect on a late night train on the weekend, not at 6.30pm on a school night. And he was a loud chewer too. Unbelievable.”