A computer illiterate Magpies fan has spectacularly blamed yesterday’s Ticketek blunder for walking around Greensborough Plaza most of the day looking for the What’s New store. Despite Wayne Dennison never actually intending to purchase his finals tickets online, he has decided to hide behind the well-publicised failure of Ticketek’s website to shield the fact that he spent three hours yesterday morning walking around Greensy Plaza in search of the long-gone What’s New outlet.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle, Wayne initially said, “Yeah mate, what a bloody cock up! Them guys need to sort out their website and that, cos it’s just not good enough. The fans need their tickets, finals footy is what it’s all about.”

However, the more we spoke to Wayne, the more it became apparent that he’d never even attempted to access tickets via the Ticketek website. After asking him a couple of probing questions, Wayne eventually crumbled, admitting that he’d walked about five laps of Greensy Plaza in search of a non-existent store.

Wayne confessed, “It’s been a while since we’ve been in the finals mate. Back in the day I’d always queue up outside What’s New on level one of the Plaza. But times have obviously changed. I eventually went to the information desk and they said What’s New hasn’t been in operation for years. You could’ve knocked me over with a feather. It’s a real shame if you ask me. That store was funny as. Remember the adults only section? Full of laughs. Hours of fun!”