A local man is secretly hoping for cold weather on Christmas Day so that he can rock the ugly jumper he purchased online a few months ago. Running the very serious risk of being dubbed “UnAustralian”, Henry Johnson has been checking the Bureau of Meteorology website twice daily for the last fortnight to monitor the long-term forecast.
Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Johnson said, “Mate, I bought it ages ago and it’s really cool, so I’m desperate to wear it on the day but, knowing my luck it’ll be bloody stinking hot. If the weather is too hot it’ll be a total waste of 30 bucks, because there’s really only one day of the year that I can wear it. And that’s US Dollars mate. So, it cost me a bit.”
Responding to accusations of his UnAustralianism, Johnson said, “I know, I know, me mates have been onto me about that. They all want a belter of a day. You know, shorts, singlets, bucket hats, and beers. But, you know what, I don’t really care about them to be honest. This year, it’s all about Henry. You’re better off getting a nice day on Boxing Day for the cricket anyway. So, I don’t know what they’re talking about.”