A local man who owns an outdoor woodfire pizza oven has admitted that he barely uses the device, and it’s essentially now just an expensive garden ornament. Tony Bannister made the brave admission to friends last night when they came over to watch the footy, and the pizza oven remained dormant for approximately the 728th night in a row.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle this morning, Bannister said, “Yeah, I mean, I had good intentions in the beginning, but then I realised it’s actually a massive pain in the backside! You’ve gotta stoke the bloody fire, get the temperature even, and then you can only really fit a couple of bases in at a time anyway. The normal oven in me kitchen does a better job. It’s quicker, cooks more evenly, and I don’t have to raise a sweat chopping firewood into tiny pieces to get it going!”

While Bannister conceded that it “looks cool in the backyard”, he compared it to an equally useless backyard cooking accessory. He said, “It’s just like those bloody hot plates on the side of a barbie. Looks cool, great selling point, but ya just never bloody use ‘em!”