A local man waited cheerfully on hold for over two hours this afternoon so he could secure a table for the first Parma Night back at the Watsonia RSL after restrictions ease. Darren Lawson said the thought of this glorious moment was the only thing that got him through Melbourne’s harrowing second wave of COVID-19 infections, and didn’t mind having to wait to get a seat at the most coveted table on the local dining scene.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle after successfully booking a table for five at the iconic local venue, Lawson said, “Mate, the wait was well and truly worth it. I can’t tell you how many times in the last few months that I’ve day dreamed about that first Wednesday night back at the RSL. And the moment is almost here. You fucking beauty!”

Now that he’s secured his place, Lawson is wrestling with the exact tactics he’ll adopt on Wednesday. He said, “It’s a tough one, like, do I starve myself in the arvo so I’m really fanging for it when the meal arrives? Or will that shrink my stomach slightly and impact by ability to fully smash that first delicious parma. I’m torn, mate. I’ve been out of the game for too long!”