A local anti-vaxxer says he’s doing his own research on this morning’s earth tremor. The self-diagnosed “independent and free thinker” said he won’t just automatically accept what the “fake news” is reporting about the earthquake, and has spent the last hour or so on Google and social media trying to get to the bottom of it.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle under the strict condition of anonymity, because deep down he knows that he’s too far gone along the conspiracy path to provide a coherent thought, the freedom fighter said, “Yeah, I’ve been on Facey all morning mate, apparently it wasn’t actually an earthquake. I read somewhere that Dictator Dan just slipped on the stairs again, haha. I mean, he’s a big guy, so it really makes you think.”

When quizzed on what the tremor could’ve been if it wasn’t a naturally occurring phenomenon, the anti-vaxxer said, “Who knows man, I don’t know who to believe any more, except for strangers on the internet that play to my personal vulnerabilities. WhatsApp is also quite helpful.”