A Watsonia man’s distinct lack of “thong fitness” has been exposed by yesterday’s heatwave, after he opted for the double pluggers on a walk through Binnak Park with his family. Jeremy Hughes said his winter feet were terribly underprepared for the task, and are currently covered in blisters as he mentally prepares for a long summer ahead.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle this morning from his hospital bed, Hughes said, “Mate, it happens every year. The first sign of decent weather and I get the thongs out, but the fallout this year has been worse than ever before. My lily white feet are just not ready for the rigours of a long summer in thongs. I’m in strife here.”

Despite facing a long road of rehabilitation to repair yesterday’s damage, Hughes said he’s staying optimistic about his chances of a fruitful summer. He said, “I’m a long way from it now, but these blisters will heal. I’ll be back, trust me.”