A young Watsonia man has been left shamed and disillusioned after discovering that he’d missed the seemingly nationwide memo about transition lenses having a reputation for being designed for old people and pedophiles. Having not seen the memo, last Friday 27-year-old Lachlan Walker spent $650 on the latest designer frames with the versatile and high functioning transition lenses. 

Feeling very pleased with his stylish yet functional choice, Lachlan wore his new frames to a mate’s BBQ on Sunday only to be the subject of severe and obscene ridicule when the sun emerged triumphantly through the clouds. What started as some clever yet pithy commentary on his choice of eyewear soon turned more sinister, with one friend going as far as to mockingly removing his 3-year-old son from the backyard and proclaiming “keep your eyes off him you dirty dog”. 

Lachlan was horrified, and left the BBQ soon after, too embarrassed to listen to the ridicule any longer. Still clearly shaken by the incident, Lachlan spoke to The Watsonia Bugle yesterday in an attempt to defend his choice of prescription eyewear. “I’d honestly never heard of the seemingly well-known connection between transition lenses and pedophilia. I simply responded to the optometrist’s recommendation about their versatility and ease of use. He said, ‘do you wear sunglasses often?’ I said ‘yes’. He said, ‘well these will pretty much do the job of both prescription glasses and sunnies, so you don’t have to carry two pairs of glasses with you everywhere. It seemed like a no-brainer really.”

Whilst Lachlan is willing to accept some of the blame for his expensive mistake, he has also questioned his optometrist’s professional integrity, saying “I doubt that they take a Hippocratic Oath like real doctors, but do they take any other kind of oath? I mean, I’m mad enough at myself for not being up-to-date with this cultural development, but this bloke sells glasses for a living, what the hell is he doing selling transition lenses to a 27-year-old bloke?”

Lachlan’s optometrist was unavailable for comment.