Steve Smith has drawn criticism overnight after being caught on camera mouthing the words “f#$%ing cheat” in reference to Indian player Murali Vijay after yet another eventful day’s play in the current Australia versus India Test Series. In what has become symptomatic of the series, the seemingly minor incident has been blown up to be bigger than it is – all so that media outlets can continue to file stories into the “fiery relationship between Australia and India” narrative that they have been cultivating and inflaming for over a decade now.

As The Watsonia Bugle is a self-proclaimed “alternate news source”, we contacted cricket’s real voice of reason – Greensborough man Brandon Johnson. As the captain of his local Third XI, Brandon has dealt with his fair share of on-field controversies, not to mention blatant acts of unsportsmanship. When told about the kerfuffle following Smith’s poorly disguised outburst, Brandon said “I’ve got no problem with it. It’s a non-issue really. I reckon that term was bandied around at least a dozen times per game that I played in this season. It’s become so common that it’s occasionally used as a term of endearment.” 

Reflecting on the events this morning, Brandon actually felt that Smith should’ve taken it further, saying “the only problem I have with it is that he should’ve chosen some stronger language. If one of my opposition captains claimed the ‘catch’ that Vijay claimed last night, I wouldn’t have hesitated to call him a ‘f#$%ing cheating c#$%’. Then I would’ve questioned his parentage.” Brandon was so incensed by the criticism being directed at Smith that he promised to send a Telstra hero fax to the Australian captain to lend his support.