A recent study into the clingyness of various social media platforms has revealed that LinkedIn is indeed the neediest of them all. In what comes as confirmation of years of suspicion from most LinkedIn users, the reputable study concluded that the business networking site had a deep fear of being alone and was likely to have been neglected by its parents at a young age. 

Corben Stanley, social media expert and online trends analyst, said the conclusion comes as no surprise. “It’s a very strange platform in that you don’t visit it for a couple of weeks, log on one day just to see any important work anniversaries coming up for your connections, and then over the next 48 hours you receive multiple emails from LinkedIn basically screaming ‘PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME AGAIN. I NEED YOU. I LOVE YOU’. It can be very unsettling, and gives off a strong odour of desperation.”

The results of the study deliver a stinging blow to LinkedIn, which has regularly struggled to find its true identity, and continually fights to shake the “Facebook for business” title that over simplifies its purpose. And as we know, when a needy person receives negative feedback, it most often results in an increased level of neediness. Guard your inboxes.