A new advertisement has started popping up around the outer suburbs of Melbourne, one most notably on the bus shelter next to the Shell servo on Greensborough Highway, encouraging Melbournians to move north to Brisbane. Yet, of all the attractive features of a Brisbane lifestyle, the advertisers have decided to focus on shorter commuting times, presumably to appeal to grumpy motorists dragging their sorry arses home in bumper to bumper traffic. 

Although, last time we checked, commuting wasn’t exclusively a “Melbourne thing”. In fact, commuting occurs in every city of the world. And a quick call to our sister publication the Brisbane Bellower revealed that some residents of Brisbane also face long commutes, just like us down here in supposed commuter haven of Melbourne’s suburbia. 

In particular, our friends at the Bellower suggested that morning commutes to Brisbane from their very own northern fringe are particularly tedious, especially on the Bruce Highway. And if we’re really going to nitpick, which we most obviously are, the ad features a very young girl frolicking in the waters of the manmade lagoon on Brisbane’s South Bank. Pre-schoolers don’t commute. The vast majority of those blessed little creatures live wondrous lives where even a short trip in the car involves their every need being pandered to by their parents. So, if anything, those little blighters probably want to increase their commute.

So here’s a few take home messages for the advertisers behind this campaign:

  • Don’t try to win people over by subtly insulting their lives.
  • Brisbane has many other wonderful features beyond its fictitiously short commutes.
  • The most effective way to reduce commute times is to move closer to where you work. Not move interstate. 

But yeah, whatever, move to Brisbane.