A study out of a local university has suggested that thousands of people are using their supposed coffee addiction to mask obvious character flaws. The study analysed the behaviour of a large sample size of people – from all cultural backgrounds and socioeconomic sectors – and compared their caffeine consumption, personality traits, and likelihood of sharing coffee-themed memes on Facebook.
After collecting all of this data, researcher Geoff Douglas concluded that people who claim they can’t operate in society without their morning coffee were actually just using that as a cover for their genuinely undesirable character traits. According to Douglas, “there was a direct correlation between claiming a coffee addiction and generally being a tiresome, obstreperous, rude and obnoxious person.”
While initially surprised by the severity of the results, Douglas said that anecdotally it actually made sense. He said, “I mean we all know someone who’s like this. They give the old ‘don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee’, when the reality is you probably still don’t want to talk to them after their coffee either. Claiming that a widely consumed beverage is your very own personal antidote for being an undesirable person is, scientifically, classic jerk behaviour.”