Rosanna man, Ben Stephenson, has announced over a chai latte with friends that it’s time for U2 to be cool again. Priding himself as being something of a music expert, Stephenson claims that enough time has elapsed for U2 to become a retro band that young people can start to like again without fear of public condemnation.

The claim comes 30 years after the release of U2’s seminal album, The Joshua Tree. “It was the first cassette that I ever owned, so it holds very fond memories for me. Joshua Tree is actually an all-time classic album, it’s just been discounted by over commercialisation and radio stations flogging the living shit out of it in the 90s. People forget how good U2 really were. They dismiss their solid discography purely because they deem them too mainstream.”

Stephenson also acknowledged that Bono’s public transformation from epic rock god to celebrity toss bag may have played a minor role in the band’s decline in popularity. But according to Stephenson even that is a bit unfair. “It’s classic bloody tall poppy syndrome. Everyone goes on about how Bono’s a wanker, but did you know he only wears those glasses all the time because he suffers from glaucoma?”

However, the passionate defence mounted by Stephenson entered murky water when he inexplicably took aim at an Australian icon in an attempt to further illustrate his point. “In recent years the Australian public has gone mad for Daryl Braithwaite’s ‘Horses’, but we really should’ve embraced ‘Who’s gonna ride your wild horses’ cos that’s a heaps better song. Bono’s unlikely to have appeared at Mooney Valley Racecourse during the Spring Carnival for less than a seven-figure appearance fee, but with technology these days you could easily super impose him onto the big screen.”

Whilst happy to put U2 back on high rotation, Ben believes that Live needs another six to seven years minimum on the sidelines before becoming “cool” again.