A Watsonia man has entered a heightened state of confusion, admitting to friends that he currently has no idea what day of the week it actually is. The combination of being on holidays, drinking alcohol every day, and eating his body weight in an assortment of meats and chocolate has clouded Will Jamieson’s judgement on a number of issues, including the basic interpretation of a calendar.

Jamieson made the stark confession to friends at a BBQ earlier today, with more than just a hint of fear evident in the corner of his left eye. Despite the fact he’d just given his girlfriend an in-depth and factually accurate explanation of how the Decision Review System works during a Test Match, he turned to his mate Dave Fleming and said, “I honestly have no idea what day of the week it is, and I can’t work out if that’s a good thing or a bad thing!”

Fleming later told The Watsonia Bugle, “At first I wasn’t actually sure if it was a cry for help or just a cheap gag. But then I saw this look of fear on his eye and realised it was a genuine cry for help. But instead of offering some reassuring words we all just laughed at him and continued drinking.”