A local footballer has returned to pre-season training in less than ideal condition after a particularly hectic festive season. Darren Reynolds, who plays for the Watsonia Wombats in the local competition, turned heads last night when he fronted up for the first session of 2018 with a couple of extra kilos around the waist and chin, plus a seemingly reduced lung capacity when the running started during the warm up.

The Wombats’ Coach, Dale Stanley, was noticeably unimpressed, and will decide in the coming days what the appropriate punishment will be for Reynolds. The increased professionalism of local football in recent years has resulted in much bigger expectations on players, with some clubs even starting their pre-season training last year before AFL clubs had.

However, it seems that Reynolds has missed that memo, and is now bracing for the fall out from the Wombats’ match committee. According to Coach Stanley, “I just can’t believe it to be honest. He was making really good progress towards the end of last year and then BANG, he gets on the piss and eats his body weight in bloody Christmas leftovers. We gave them all an A4 sheet of paper with a running program to follow over the break but I doubt his piece of paper even made it to the car with him that night.

“I think we need to come down pretty hard on him, just to send a message to rest of the playing group. But we can’t exactly do that AFL thing we they banish them from the club for a couple of months and make them train on their own. As if he’s gunna get off his bum and do any running without one of us coaches yelling at him. He’s bloody hopeless.”