At lunchtime today, a Watsonia man choked on his cheese toastie while reading about a Melbourne primary school that wouldn’t allow a student to eat a lamington lovingly packed in her lunchbox by her mother, instead sending it home with a note requesting that the mother choose a healthier option next time. While Ken O’Brien admitted that the term “unAustralian” has been overused in recent years, he said this story was categorically unAustralian and the school in question should have a good hard look at themselves.

After recovering from choking on his aforementioned cheese toastie in the lunchroom of the financial planning company he works for, O’Brien then launched into a stinging tirade about what he described as, “the gradual decline of our civilisation”. He also told his colleagues, “This is an absolute bloody joke. Who do these schools think they are? Stick to reading, writing and arithmetic you idiots.”

When contacted shortly after by The Watsonia Bugle, O’Brien had somewhat calmed down from his initial outburst, but stood by his claim that the move was entirely unAustralian. He said, “It’s become quite common to term just about anything unAustralian these days but if that word stands for anything it’s something like this. I’m all for kids eating healthy and that but the lamington is an Australian delicacy. It should be treated with the respect and reverence that it deserves.”