A local man has unfollowed so many people on Facebook that his newsfeed is now mostly made up of people he hasn’t seen in at least five years. Cameron Paris made the stark confession yesterday after secretly unfollowing the bulk of his friends and family over the last couple of years.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Paris said, “Once I realised that they wouldn’t find out that I’d unfollowed them, I started refining my newsfeed with impunity. But now it’s absolutely stuffed. I hardly know half the people on it. Like I might’ve worked with them years ago and haven’t seen them since. It’s a joke.”

While Paris naturally refused to reveal his exact criteria for an unfollowing, he did provide some thinly veiled insights. He said, “Oh you know, frequent sympathy seekers, full on footy nuffs, constant wine meme sharers, racist relos, just the usual I guess.”

And when asked whether he’d look into reinstating some of the unfollowed to make his newsfeed more relevant he refused to elaborate. He just said, “Who knows? Maybe. I’ve gotta do something. I either delete the whole thing and start again, or I slowly reintroduce the least offensive ones on a trial basis, kind of like a controlled breeding program.”

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