A local sausage enthusiast has taken to ranking the overall worth of community groups solely by their ability to cook a decent Bunnings snag. Frequent Bunnings visitor Terry Johnson claims that the ability of a group’s volunteers to cook a decent sausage in bread is the quickest and easiest indicator of their worth to society.

While Johnson refused to name names, he did say, “Sporting clubs are generally the best. I mean, they’re cooking snags every weekend already, so they know their craft. I can’t remember their exact name, but the worst one I ever had was from some calisthenics club. Terrible sausage.”

Unable to concede that cooking a decent sausage and running a nuanced and progressive calestenics program were two entirely different skill sets, Johnson insisted that his ranking method was sound. He said, “It’s a bulletproof theory, mate. Can’t serve up a decent sausage, not a decent organisation. Simple.”

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