A recent study into the consumption of fizzy energy drinks has revealed a direct correlation between people drinking them mid-week and being massive bogans. The findings of the study confirm years of anecdotal suspicions, and include all age categories … even the teen market.

The study insisted that consumption of fizzy energy drinks on the weekend did not provide such a clear link to boganism, as many committed binge drinkers like to mix them with alcohol in an attempt to accelerate both their drunkeness and/or blood sugar levels. However, the study predicted that in 10 years time weekend consumers would also predominantly be bogans too.

A local woman from Greensborough, spotted in the Main Street cradling a jumbo can of ‘V’ and pushing a pram, rejected the scientific evidence, telling The Watsonia Bugle yesterday, “nah that’s just bullshit mate, this here have [sic] got nothing to do with me being a bogan and that, I’m just not one of them snobby coffee drinkers, you know. Typical bloody science mate, it’s all fuckin’ rubbish.”