A local man was shocked to hear that his teen crush Avril Lavigne is set to drop some more phat beats this week after a five-year absence from the music industry to fight Lyme disease. While Lavigne’s life-threatening health battle was news to Steve Taylor, he was also unaware of many other things that had happened to her in the 16 years since she released the smash hit “Sk8er Boi”.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Taylor said, “I guess it’s hard to keep producing the hits when you’ve already soared to the top of the mountain with your first album. That song was a seminal hit man, and not much can match it for rhythm, rock and feels. The holy trinity of music production.”

While Taylor conceded that he never really followed Lavigne’s career that closely after the dizzying highs of the early 2000s, he admitted that he’d always held a flame for the pint-sized songstress. He said, “Mate, in 2002 she was as hot as it gets. I was only a young fella meself at the time, and she was red hot. She had just enough of the bad girl look to get me going without being afraid to bring her home to meet me mum. I spent many an hour fantasising about our possible life together.”

Despite admitting that their lives had obviously taken separate paths since those early days, and acknowledging the fact that he’d never actually met Lavigne in person, Taylor was still shocked and upset about one aspect of Lavigne’s love life. He said, “I didn’t know that she’d married that human Paddle Pop Lion from Nickleback, let alone the fact they got divorced a few years ago. That’s one more reason to hate the Chad. Not only did he get his slimy mitts on my Avril, but he obviously treated her bad ‘cos now they’ve gone to Splitsville. I’m not happy mate.”