Following their disappointing exit from the finals last night, a local Hawthorn supporter has sworn off tennis for the upcoming summer due to an intense fear of hearing the term “straight sets”. In the hours following last night’s loss to the Demons, Rick Graham was overheard telling anyone who would listen that he wouldn’t be watching the Australian Open this summer because it would be too painful.

Last seen crying into a pot of Carlton Draught at the Watsonia RSL late last night, Graham was unavailable for comment this morning. Thankfully, we were able to track down a couple of his drinking companions who gave us a few quotes for the story.

Graham’s best mate, Steven Leonard, told The Watsonia Bugle, “It was hard to watch mate. I mean, I love the Hawks too, so I was devo, but Rick really took it to heart. He didn’t speak to a soul for about 35 minutes straight after the siren, and then when he finally opened his mouth it was all doom and gloom. He reckons the result will totally ruin his summer. Normally he gets right into the Aussie Open, even goes to a day or two for a bit of a look around. Maybe he’ll change his mind once this moment isn’t so raw. Who knows?”