A local Collingwood supporter is reportedly trying to work out how to count to 16 just in case his side is successful this Saturday in the AFL Grand Final. The reason behind such a relatively difficult mathematical equation is that the Magpies have a chance to draw level with long-time rivals Carlton and Essendon on 16 VFL/AFL premierships.

A close friend of lifetime Magpies supporter Brian Donaldson contacted The Watsonia Bugle this morning to say they’d heard him practicing his counting skills all week. The friend said, “It’s times like these you realise just how disadvantaged the average Collingwood supporter really is. The poor bloke just wants to sit at the same intellectual table as supporters from other clubs. He’s still got a few days to master it, so hopefully he gets over the line.”

Donaldson’s experience comes on the back of a recent study that indicated the vocabulary of the average Collingwood supporter is up to 10 times lower than supporters of other clubs. The same study claimed that the Magpies even chose “Side By Side” as a recent membership slogan because it meant fans only had to learn two words to understand the phrase.