Residents of Watsonia are reportedly devastated at being omitted from Harry and Meghan’s royal tour of Melbourne later this month. As details of their Australian tour were released this by Buckingham Palace late last week, locals in the Diamond Valley were left to lament yet another brutal royal snub.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, fierce monarchist Betty Daniels said, “Oh, you know, it’s a bit of a shame really. I think they would’ve really liked it down here. There’s a couple of nice cafes now and, of course, we’ve got plenty of fish and chip shops and we know how much those pommies love their fish and chips.”

Meanwhile, local man Dan Porter sees it as a missed opportunity to gain broader support for his pet project: getting funding for the design and construction of the giant dim sim proposal. Porter said, “We’ve seen that government are unwilling to support this potentially life-changing project, so I would’ve loved to have had a quick word with Harry or Meggsy about it. The money we need for it would be small change for a Windsor. And Harry seems like a cool dude, so I reckon he’d be on board.”