A local cricketer was allegedly performed poorly at short leg as part of a cunning plan to avoid future postings to the undesirable fielding position. Craig Johnson was initially reluctant when sent to the position by his captain last Saturday, but quickly devised a strategy to ensure he wouldn’t be subject to future postings.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle this morning, Johnson said, “I avoided eye contact with the skipper for about two or three overs but he eventually caught my attention and sent me in there. I thought to myself, ‘Stuff this, I’m too beautiful to have my nose caved in while our hopeless off spinner is sending down some absolute rubbish’. So I fumbled a few ground balls, dropped a couple of genuine chances, and basically made a mess of myself.”

Johnson said his deplorable performance in the close catching position meant his stint only lasted half a dozen overs before he was sent to fine leg. He said, “I’ve never been happier in me whole life to do fine leg to fine leg to finish off the day. And after the game all anyone would talk about was how shit I was in close. So the legacy will grow, and I’ll never return to that spot ever again! Haha.”