A local sportsman has been shaken by the news that popular undergarment producer Skins has applied for bankruptcy, admitting to friends and teammates that he may have to seek an alternative source to maintain his elite athleticism. Brent Nelson read the news online yesterday, and immediately did a mental stocktake on his personal collection of compression garments, concerned that a lack of them would severely impinge on his athletic performance.

Nelson obviously missed the part of the announcement that said Skins would continue to supply high-end sportswear to its customers, albeit under different ownership, instead heading to every sports store in the local area to buy an array of Skins products to stockpile in his wardrobe. Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle, Nelson conceded, “To be honest, I’m actually a pretty ordinary athlete, and not overly talented at my chosen sport. So, I’ve always figured that if I at least look the part, some people might be fooled into thinking I’m half decent.”