A mediocre footballer for the Watsonia Wombats footy club has just bored a bunch of friends at a Super Bowl party with suggestions that he’d have been alright at gridiron if he’d been given the opportunity to play it in his youth. Wombats forward flanker Blake Adamson is attending a Super Bowl party at an inner city watering hole this morning and his mates have just about had enough of him after a few too many pre-midday Bud Lights.

Adamson was overhead saying to nobody in particular, “Yeah mate, I mean if I was born in the States I would’ve made a go of it. I’m kind of a natural at all ball sports, so I can’t see why I wouldn’t have done alright. Just like the Hayne Plane boys, just like him. Only took him a year to get a hold of the game. Too easy.” The comments were met with a combination of silent eye rolls and incredulous laughter, with one mate reminding Adamson that he can hardly hold his place in the Wombats senior side, let alone making the grade in a nuanced and physically demanding sport played in a country with a population of over 300 million people.

Concerns are now held for Adamson’s welfare if he continues drinking at this rate during the second half of the game. Fellow party goers are predicting that he’ll experience that terribly disorientating feeling of walking outside in daylight and realising that you’re absolutely munted.