A local rich man has purchased a branded box of tissues rather than home brand, telling friends he may never go back to the sandpaper-like qualities of the cheaper product. Daniel Cameron made the switch after recently earning a pay rise at work, and is now convinced that the change is the best part of existing in a higher tax bracket.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle about the experience, Cameron said, “It was just amazing really. I’d been on the home brand ones ever since I first moved out of home, so I guess my nose had just forgotten how luxe the expensive brands could be. From the first nose blow I knew I’d never go back to my old povo ways.”

In addition to the improved texture and softness, Cameron was also impressed by the scent. He said, “I honestly never thought I’d be that excited about aloe vera. The home brand ones just smell like printing paper, but when that aloe vera climbed into my nostrils, it was what I imagine heaven to smell like.”