A Watsonia couple has taken aim on a long-standing piece of marital advice after a disastrous date night last night. Steph and Mick Gillespie decided to test out the well-publicised advice that to spice up a marriage you should have a date where you pretend you’re meeting for the first time.

According to Steph, their intentions were good, but everything just failed miserably. She said, “I’d been reading this supposed piece of wisdom since I was reading Cleo and Cosmo back in the late 90s. We’ve been married for 10 years now, and with a couple of kids in tow, we do find it hard to maintain the spark between us. So I suggested the ‘first date’, and Mick was all for it.”

Mick says that it all went downhill from the beginning. He said, “I was all for it at the start, cos I thought I might get some action at the end of it all. But it just didn’t work. For starters, we had to get ready together while the kids were running amok around the house. Then the babysitter was late. And then Steph insisted on us driving to the new food court at Greensy Plaza separately to really maintain that ‘first date’ feel. So of course I got stuck with our second car which is a piece of crap.”

By the time they arrived at the fancy new food court outside of Hoyts, it became clear that Mick’s acting skills were not going to be up to scratch. Steph said, “He just kept dipping in and out of character. First he asks where I’d like to eat, but then says ‘I thought you liked dumplings?’ I mean, he wasn’t supposed to know that! From then on he just dipped in and out of the first date character.”

Once dinner was finished, the pair then endured an awkward 15 minutes of trying to decide which movie to watch. Mick said, “Normally one of us would just choose, but I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be all well mannered and that because we weren’t supposed to know each other. So we just went around in circles for 15 minutes. It was painful.”

Once the movie ended and Mick suggested a drink Steph politely declined and they drove home separately, thanked the baby sitter, and then went to bed under the cloud of an incredibly awkward silence. Mick said, “I’d been reading that little piece of advice for years. Even back in the FHM and Ralph magazine days. It’s all garbage mate. The movie was the only decent bit, because I didn’t have to awkwardly hold conversation in my stupid character.”