As younger generations continue to grapple with the digital footprint left behind on their numerous social accounts from years gone by, Darth Vader claims that he is the perfect example of someone who retrospectively regrets the way he behaved online in his youth. Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Vader said, “My digital footprint concerns me. It simply does not align with my current values, nor my standing in the community. It is unsatisfactory, and I wish I could force choke it out of existence.”

Vader’s first social media account dates back as far as the Myspace days when a young Anakin leveraged his sublime tech skills to create an account despite being a lowly slave on the planet Tatooine. His bio on that account reads: “I’m a slave boy from Tatooine, but it’s not all bad. I’m really into pod racing and I’m pretty good at it too. When I’m not tinkering with my racer, being a slave, wondering who my dad is, or shielding myself from my planet’s two suns, I’m building droids from scratch in my bedroom. I live at home with my mum, and I love her very much. Sebulba is a doo-doo head.”

That, in itself, is fairly harmless, and Vader says he’s actually more embarrassed by the brooding goth phase he went through a few years later, even though that head space led to his eventual ascension to becoming the Dark Lord. Speaking of that soul baring phase, Vader said, “No doubt, most people find their teenage years awkward in hindsight. In my defence, I was dealing with too many issues at that time. I simply should not have maintained such a strong social media presence whilst mourning the brutal death of my mother, studying for my final Jedi exams, managing a troublesome relationship with my mentor, and trying to process my romantic feelings for Padmé.”

Having moved passed the deep feelings of regret and shame associated with his digital footprint, Vader says he know simply want to educate the youth on the perils of sharing so much of their lives on social media. He said, “Trust me, a time will come when you will understand the true power of the content you share online. Don’t make the same mistakes that I did.”