After news broke this morning that mobile phones would be banned from Victorian classrooms next year, a local office worker has spent most of the day fretting that the exclusion zone will extend to his inner-city workplace. Daniel Bennett has closely monitored the story all day, confiding in some close friends that a phone ban in his office would be catastrophic.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle about his concerns, Bennett said, “Oh mate, I’m real nervous here. If they banned mobiles from my workplace I’d be done for. How would I keep abreast of Facebook and WhatsApp during office hours? It would be a nightmare.”

While no indication of an extended ban was apparent at the time of publishing, Bennett claimed he would be following developments in the story very closely. He said, “Having my phone on me during the day is essential. How else would I endure the neverending banality? Intermittent Facebook scrolling and a bit of WhatsApp banter is all that gets me through the day sometimes.”