Nillumbik residents are reportedly preparing themselves to make the most of their increased rubbish service, following news that the contents of recycling bins will no longer be recycled. While this development is bad news for environmental stability and the planet in general, long-suffering locals seem enthusiastic about an opportunity to exploit the neighbouring council’s unpopular bin collection schedule.

One such resident, who requested strict anonymity, told The Watsonia Bugle, “Oh mate, this is great news. Having a fortnightly rubbish collection has always caused more than a few headaches around here, and often we’ve had to sneak a bit of rubbish into our recycling bin anyway, but now I can do it with a clear conscience. How good is that?”

Another resident described the news as “a weight off my shoulders”. They also said, “Sure, it’s bad for the environment and all that, but the fortnightly waste juggle at my place has already taken years off me life, now it’s the planet’s turn.”