A local man has angrily claimed that Spotify streaming numbers do not give a reliable indication of musical brilliance, ranting to friends over dinner last night, and providing enough concrete examples to support his argument that it was clear he’d given the issue a lot of thought. Tim Daniels left his friends, and fellow diners at the Watsonia RSL, in a state of shock due to the passion and conviction with which he delivered his spiel.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle to further state his case, Daniels said, “It’s been bugging me for a while, to be honest. And last night it all just came to a head. I mean, the conversation at our table hadn’t specifically led to it, but I pounced anyway. Someone just mentioned ‘Spotify’ and I launched. It was almost an out of body experience. I’m getting goosebumps now just thinking about it.”

When asked why he felt so passionately about the issue, Daniels said, “It’s just one of the many ways that the younger generations of today have no idea what’s what. For example, have you ever heard of some bloke called ‘XXXTENTACION’? Yeah, didn’t think so. Well, he’s got this song called ‘SAD!’ and, at last count it’s had 1,047,212,141 streams. There’s so many figures in that number that I don’t even know how to say it out loud. Now, compare that to Ian Moss’s ‘Telephone Booth’ that only has 755,841 streams. I mean, what a bloody joke. Mossy is the king, and he deserves better. Spotify is a false economy.”