Reports coming out of the Holden Centre today suggest that Collingwood players have been forced to watch re-runs of popular TV show to improve their ability to deceive club hierarchy and members of the general public. A source close to the club has alleged that a big TV was wheeled into a meeting room this morning and players were asked to watch multiple episodes of the amusing game show Would I Lie To You?

The premise of the comedy program is that panellists on the shoe reveal “unusual facts and embarrassing stories about themselves – some true, some not”. The opposing team then attempts to work out if the claims and stories are true or fabricated. Essentially, a participant’s ability to successfully lie and deceive is a highly useful skill.

While footballers telling little white lies about after hours activities is nothing new, Collingwood seem to have suffered a spate of damaging revelations becoming public, after players have initially attempted to deceive their club. First there was dynamic forward Jordan De Goey’s 2017 incident where he broke his hand in a bar fight but told the club he had broken it while playing with his dog at home. Then news broke yesterday about emerging midfielder Brayden Sier filling in for a local basketball team this week despite currently being under an injury cloud.

According our source, it was Sier’s use of such an obviously fake name for his basketball game that encouraged the club to work on each player’s ability to tell better fibs. They said, “They’re still smarting from De Goey’s dog story, and now they hear that Brayden played under the pseudonym ‘Phill Inn’. I mean, really? Apart from the fact nobody spells Phill with two Ls, literally any other name would’ve raised less suspicion than Phill Inn. Seriously. Being a professional athlete requires a wide skill set, and coming up with better fake names is an important aspect of that.”