A 26-year-old Eltham man has been ostracised from his main friendship group after repeatedly using a hankie to blow his nose at social functions. While the group of friends had allowed the use of the hankie for a number of years, last Friday night they officially had enough, telling Ben Harrison to find another group of mates who’s chances with the opposite sex he could ruin by keeping a snot covered piece of material in his pocket all year round.

The dumping caught Harrison by surprise, and he is devastated by the events, having been friends with these guys since primary school. He said, “I just can’t believe it, those guys have been ripping into me about my hankies for years now but I never thought it would come to this. I’m lost now. Hopefully we can reconcile. I mean, I’ve tried using tissues before, but there’s nothing like the convenience of a nice tartan hankie in my pocket.”

According to Fraser Samuels, the former friend who instigated the dumping, Harrison should have read the warning signs. Samuels said, “What Harro thought was gentle ribbing from us was a genuine concern for his social acceptability. And last Friday it all just came crashing down. I was chatting to a couple of hotties down at the local and things were going well until Harro’s pulled his snot rag out and blown his nose right there in front of us. The girls were all like, ‘What’s that? A hankie? Gross’, so then I’m like ‘That’s it Harro, enough’s enough, we’re not friends any more!’ It’s a shame, ‘cos he’s a good bloke apart from the fact that he likes to store snot in his pocket.”