Following a long drinking session in the city, a local man has been struck by fierce desire to eat cured meats wrapped in pita and accompanied by token items such as lettuce and tomato. Danny Hanson started drinking in the city straight after work yesterday afternoon at around 5.30pm and, just over eight hours later, found himself salivating outside the front window of a kebab store on Brunswick Street in Fitzroy. 

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle this morning, Hanson said, “I don’t think I’ve ever actually had a kebab while recording less than a blood alcohol reading of 0.05. But there’s just something about them once you’ve tipped a few beers in. And of all the things to eat after an eight-hour drinking session they’re not exactly the easiest thing to put away. There was lettuce, meat and tomato going everywhere. The pavement was just littered with the stuff, and not just from me.”

While Hanson was feeling decidedly under the weather when we spoke to him, he claimed he had no regrets. He said, “Nah mate, not at all. It’s an essential part of the drinking process. It helps to soak up the booze. Without it, I’d be feeling ten times worse right now. I can guarantee that.”