A local family has been torn apart by a fiery debate about whether peanut butter should be smooth or crunchy. The Tancredi family home erupted two nights ago when agreement could not be reached on the contentious issue, and factions have now formed between family members based purely on their peanut butter preferences.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, daughter Belinda Tancredi said, “It all started when Dad started complaining to Mum about why she always buys smooth peanut butter when she does the weekly shop. From there it escalated so quickly, and all of a sudden people were bringing up really old beefs that had nothing to do with peanut butter texture at all. It was actually horrible.”

While she conceded that she was aligned to her father’s pro-crunchy faction, Belinda said the whole situation was making her feel uncomfortable. She said, “I mean, I’m all for crunchy. If you ask me it’s the only way that peanut butter should be. But I think we’ve all gone too far on this. Dad hasn’t spoken to Mum since the big debate, my little brother has been tagging me in pro-smooth articles on Facebook, and Grandma even rang last to tell us all how disappointed she was in our pettiness.”