For the eighth time in six months, a local wife has told her husband that last night was the drunkest she’s ever seen him. The bold accusation has led to questions over the validity of the claims, with the husband, Darren Lynch, left to ponder who has the biggest problem here: him or his wife.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Lynch said, “I like a drink just like the next person, and occasionally I let the dogs out a little too much, but I’m not sure about these claims. I mean, I’ve clocked a big festive season, but to have eight verified PBs in a six-month period seems unlikely. Either I’m regressing, or the missus is prone to exaggeration.”

Meanwhile, Lynch’s wife Sharon refuted any suggestion of exaggeration. She said, “He’s in denial. For a man of his age to continually write himself off is embarrassing. I tell him these things in the hope you acknowledges the red flag, but he’s just started referring to them as ‘Personal Bests’ like he’s some kind of high achiever. He’s a moron.”