A group of local cricketers are currently discussing the significant merits of playing a super safe rain card this evening, with each WhatsApp message enhancing the chances of a big night on the turps. The WhatsApp group, which contains all four members of the Watsonia Wombats’ fast bowling cartel, commenced proceedings after one member carefully analysed tomorrow’s weather forecast.

An anonymous source from within the group said they were close to a final decision, with two members reportedly already “about half a dozen stubbies into a decent session”. The source said, “Well, two of the boys are tradies, so they’ve been heated off for at least a few hours by now. A long lunch in the air-conditioned comfort of the Lower Plenty Hotel and they’ve been firing off messages to us other two for the last hour or so. To be fair, I won’t take much convincing.”

The source went on, “Tomorrow possesses the rare quinella of the potential to be both rained off and heated off in one day. The combined forces of those two weather events drastically increase the safety of playing the rain card tonight. If the torrential rain doesn’t do the job, the thermometer might save the day. I’m all in. As soon as I knock off from work, I’m getting on it.”