In an unexpected plot twist, a Ring Road peak hour queue-cutter has contacted The Watsonia Bugle to claim that he’s actually the real victim in the daily battle for lane possession. Following the meme we published last week, Bugle HQ had been inundated with feedback from local motorists, with both sides of the argument having their say.

Amongst the throng, one anonymous driver said he was tired of being “stigmatised just for trying to shave a few minutes off my morning commute”, and that he was essentially “above the peon pastime of queuing to enter a public motorway”. Seemingly proving the theory that anyone can portray themselves as the victim in modern media, the anonymous jerk then proceeded to suggest that he was more highly evolved as a human being because he was adapting to the modern struggle of driving a motor vehicle in Melbourne during peak hour.

He said, “In the animal kingdom, certain species are celebrated for their ability to adapt and survive. That’s all I’m doing each morning, and yet I get lambasted for it. Why would I just leave home a few minutes earlier to get to work on time each day? My time is too important for that.”